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As one glances across the history of Islam, one can not help but notice the deep impressions made by faithful believing women who comforted, trusted, and endured poverty and hardship, nursed and even fought in battles beside their men - women who willingly hid their charms because of Allah’s (SWT) command and strove to show Islam to all nations - women who were not overly influenced by the lure of the material world and who excelled within the Islamic bounds set for women.
Yet, today there are those who ask what type of woman would marry a man who is already married, without considering the fact that they need go no further than the wives of our Prophet (SAW) and other eminent companions to find the answer. Of course the standard reply is that those were different times. Perhaps they are unaware that Allah’s (SWT) laws are contained in the final dispensation, Islam, are not bound by considerations of time or place, but stand applicable whenever circumstances permit. No Muslim can deny that Allah (SWT) has sent His last revelation, His last Prophet (SAW) and His last Divine law and declared that He will not accept anything other than Islam as religion,
"…This day I have perfected your religion for you, completed My Favor upon you, and have chosen for you Islam as your religion…" (Al-Ma’idah 5:3)
"And whoever seeks a religion other than Islam, it will never be accepted of him, and in the Hereafter he will be one of the losers." (Al-Imran 3:85)
And, Allah (SWT) has already instructed Muslims in no uncertain terms not to make unlawful that which He has made lawful. Thus, it is not fitting that those who choose to follow the Prophet’s (SAW) Sunnah be condemned for availing themselves of an option given to them by Allah (SWT). Polygyny is not a decadent or indecent relationship but a valid part of the marriage system of Islam. Allah (SWT) says,
"And if you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly with the orphan-girls, then marry (other) women of your choice, two or three, or four but if you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly (with them), then only one or (the captives and the slaves) that your right hands possess. That is nearer to prevent you from doing injustice." (An-Nisa 4:3)
One must note that man is first told to marry two, three or four women, then he is advised to marry only one if he can not deal justly with more than one. This does not mean that Islam encourages all men to marry at least two women, but that such an option is undoubtedly permissible for those who can fulfill its conditions. The verse also sets the upper limit of four in a society in which an unlimited amount of simultaneous marriages were allowed. Thus a man must be able and willing to divide his time and wealth in an equitable fashion before he is allowed to have more than one wife. Conversely, if he is unable to feed, clothe and house all his wives justly, then, according to the Quranic command, he should not marry more than one. The point is that the permissibility of polygyny has been exemplified in the Sunnah of the Prophet Muhammad (SAW) who was allowed by Allah (SWT) to marry nine women during the same time period. It is true that many of the marriages were for socio-political purposes like encouraging the marriage of widows, breaking certain taboos and linking clans; however, the Prophet (SAW) still married those who pleased him and turned down those who did not.
Nevertheless, many Muslims today find the subject of polygyny distasteful and insist on considering plural marriage demeaning to women. This is primarily because the roles of men and women in western society, at least, have become severely distorted. Women openly compete with men for the same jobs; men sue their wives for support payments; women’s clothing styles include suites and ties; men’s clothing styles include bracelets, necklaces, ear rings and long hair, and both sexes wear interchangeable clothing under the title of "uni-sex". The female has lost her natural position of protection in western society and is thus obliged to fight for equality with the male. Under such circumstances, it is not surprising to find western women and their eastern counterparts vehemently opposed to polygyny.
Women outnumber men at birth and live longer than men do. American women today can expect to live to be 77.9 years old and men can expect to live to age 70.3 according to the Center for Health Statistics. Couple that with the high incidence of violent crime among males, their war dead and the rise in the rates of homosexuality and it becomes obvious that there are not enough men for each woman to have one. Thus many women are obliged to become mistresses, girlfriends and playmates to fulfill their natural physical needs, leaving their psychological needs distorted in such demanding relationships. Muslims can choose to join the West in it death throes, falsely called "progress" and "sophistication", or choose to retain Islamic values. It is a fact that the average married western citizen continues to seek personal sexual freedom outside the framework of marriage. Serial or progressive monogamy in which a person remarries a number of times is so widespread today that it has arrived as an alternative marriage structure in American society. Some researchers predict that we are close to the day when 85% of all men and women reaching the age of sixty-five (in the US) will have been remarried at least once. Thus we can see that an Islamic society, which honors, shelters and protects women, is definitely preferable to a corrupt open society which forces women into despicable roles out of desperation or ignorance in order to compete with men for survival. Men are the natural guardians of women and every woman should be under the care of a guardian.
There is no doubt that no woman relishes the thought of sharing her husband with another and that plural marriages provide a base for jealousies to arise. However, the laws of Islam always give precedence to the general welfare of society over the individual discomfort or personal preferences. Hence the Islamic marriage system includes polygyny to protect and provide for the ever present surplus of females in most human societies. The institution of polygyny is the Islamic marriage system also takes into account certain undeniable aspects of human nature which affect male-female relationships. These aspects represent the natural instincts which must be present in order for men to be prepared and able to provide for the physical and emotional needs of the surplus females in society. Simply stated, men must have a greater instinctual sexual drive and a natural desire to have more than one wife, this has been scientifically proven.
Certain conditions are attached to plural marriages in Islam in order to protect the women involved because it is invariably the women who are taken advantage of in such relationships. For example, a man may not have more than four wives at a time and each marriage contract is legal and binding, involving the same rights, responsibilities and obligations as the first contract. That is, wife number one is not the mother or chief of all subsequent wives, nor is wife number four allowed preferential treatment at the expense of the other wives. Each individual marriage contracts carries the same amount of weight in an Islamic court of law and thus men are not allowed to openly attach greater importance to one at the expensive of the other. Such behavior would not be equitable treatment and might even be construed as oppression.
The Prophet (SAW) was reported to have said,
"Whoever has two wives and leaned unduly to one of them will come on the Day of Judgment with half of his body leaning." (Sunan Abu Dawud)
So the man must live with all of his wives on a footing of equality and kindness. In fact, the whole question of permissibility of plural marriages in Islam is tied to a given man’s ability to deal justly with all his wives in terms of his time and wealth.
The most important factor in a truly Islamic marriage is the piety of the partners involved. This fact was alluded to by the Prophet (SAW) in the following statement:
"A woman may be married for four reasons: for her property (wealth), her rank (lineage), her beauty and her religion. However, you should marry the one who is religious and you will be satisfied." (Sahih Bukhari)
Therefore, love, as it is known in the West, is not a prerequisite for marriage in Islam; hence the concept of plural marriages does not have as emotionally devastating an effect on a true Muslim woman as it would have on their non Muslim counterparts, except where WESTERN influences are great. In Islam, love usually follows marriage, so it is better to marry a religious, pious, disciplined man and love for Allah’s (SWT) pleasure rather than to develop a pre-marital romantic fixation which often fades in time due to the inevitable trials of marriage.
Hence, if a man is able to care for and take care of more than one wife justly, there is no sin on him if he does so. On the contrary, he should be commended for following the Sunnah of the Prophet (SAW) and fulfilling his role as a guardian of women.
Information from Polygamy in Islaam By Abu Ameenah Bilal Phillips and Jameelah Jones